Nemo UPDATE
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Posted:May 13, 2007 2:36 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2014 6:46 pm
9005 Views
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I've just returned from a quick jaunt to my friends house to show them my new car...yes I got a new car as a birthday present to myself, place my beagle in the the car (with his doggoles, to protect his eyes and harness so NOT to fall out of the convertible)and off we go. I get to their house, and I was greeted with, I have news for you, Nemo did not make it...he passed away on Friday. OH THE HORROR, NEMO DIED! (at least he was not on my watch)
I have very fond memories of poor Nemo, swimming on his left side gasping for air...the poor boy, I tried, I tried to keep him alive, well, at least he is in a better place now.
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Weekend from HELL....Part Deux
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Posted:May 7, 2007 7:06 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2007 2:29 pm
9223 Views
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and now...for the REST of the story....
I ask him as I am signing, am I going to get a ticket for not having my license with me, this oh so cute officer says to me, ‘no ma’am, it is your lucky day today, why do you want one?’ ‘I said no thank you! This ticket was an expensive pack of smokes as it is, have a great day and be safe.’ Now who says all officers of the law are assholes? Not I!
I call my friend back, tell him, what had just went on, got my smokes and headed back to the house, with my seatbelt ON! I get back to the house, check on the fish, and see they are still not doing so well and I figure oh the hell with it, they are all going to die in my care; I am now a fish killer.
Well, the evening has progressed and my sister _SAFIRA has come over to spend time with me (and here you thought the story was ready to end) _SAFIRA and I enjoy each other’s company, we get on-line and goof around. Well, the evening has progressed and I’ve not yet killed another fish, which is the ONE good thing so far. About 11pm, the dogs go running out of the doggie dog. When I say dogs, we are talking beagles, and if you know anything about beagles, they have this cute little HOWL. Well, I think it is cute; some do not much care for it. Now, mind you, it is 11, people are trying to sleep, I need to find out WHY they are making such noise at 11pm. Now, I am on the hunt for a flashlight, it is dark at 11pm and I can’t see a DAMN thing out there, I just hear my boys going NUTS. I am searching in the garage for a flashlight, nothing, I go outside and as quietly as I can, yell at the dogs to come back in…yeah right, that works…if you know anything about beagles, you know they have a mind of their own.
I finally find a flashlight on the deck and I go out to investigate, lurking in the dark, with my trusty MagLite, I find my babies howling at something on the fence…I move the light up to the fence and what do I see, a lovely possum on the fence HISSING at my boys. I look back at _SAFIRA and freak, I’ve killed the fish and now I have this HISSING possum so close to my boys. Now keep in mind, the owners of the house they don’t have together, she can’t have , so the ‘boys’ are her . I love them like they are MY boys. The first thing I think of, OKAY, I know where the animal hospital is, if anything happens, we can get them to the emergency room quickly, OH GOD!! What is momma going to think when I call her and tell her the possum on the fence has attacked one of her babies, I’m never going to be allowed to house/dog/fish sit ever again! (Oh yeah, I have to go back on Memorial Day to do this again)
I finally get the boys rounded up and back in the house, I cover the doggie so they can’t get back outside and stir up more trouble. Mind you they are so pissed off at me now that they can’t get back outside, they just sit and sulk at me. By now, my heart rate has finally gone down and I can relax a bit. I go make myself a very stiff drink and sit back with a sigh of relief.
Roll forward to Sunday morning. I wake about 9am; fearing the worst, go look at the fish tank and yes, more DEAD fish. Right about this time, _SAFIRA wakes and I hand her baggies and ask her to scoop out the dead fish, I just can’t bring myself to doing this (thank you SIS, I appreciate it) Well, our family friend comes over and picks up the passes so he can go out kayaking/fishing. SAFIRA tells him, when I walk by the fish tank, the fish are playing dead and mocking me, I now believe this to be true! I explain to our friend, something must really be wrong with the tank, the fish keep dying and I am doing everything possible to save them, short of CPR.
I have fondly named one of the fish Nemo, he looks somewhat like Nemo from the cartoon. Poor Nemo, he is swimming, well, if that is really what you want to call it, on his side down at the bottom of the tank, he is GASPING for air, I feared the worse, Nemo is going to pass. I call my friends down in Tennessee and I say something is really wrong, and I don’t know what, well, come to find out one of the filters was not plugged in, so, you get dead fish. I plug in the filter and hoped for the best. Before I went to sleep last night, I went over to the fish tank, and I said, ‘please Nemo, please don’t die on me.’
Fast forward to Monday morning. I have my alarm set so I can get up and get moving for work, our friends come by to drop off their golden for the day. I am bumbling around the house; slowing waking up, getting the dogs fed, and I go over to the dreaded fish tank. I say to my friend, ‘god, I hope Nemo made it through the night.’ She chuckles and says, ‘yes, hubby has told me what a weekend you have had with the fish.’ I turn on the light and LOW and BEHOLD, NEMO, he is ALIVE, swimming around like the happy fish he is…I was so EXCITED, I jumped around the house, ‘THE FISH IS ALIVE THE FISH IS ALIVE.’
Now I am getting ready to head out the door, I ask the 2 remaining fish; ‘please don’t die until your parents get home’ and I leave. My cell rings and it is the owner of the dogs/house/dead fish and she asked how the night went, I told her, I saved Nemo and all was right in the world. As I was walking out the door, bags in hand, I am telling her how sorry I was and I understood if she did not want me to watch the house/dogs/dead fish for Memorial Day weekend, as I am closing the door, I drop my cell and lose the call. I get everything into my car and call her back, she picks up the phone, laughing so hard, and said, we can’t think of ANYONE who would we trust our house/dogs/dead fish to other than you.
They made me feel so good, and yet, as I type this, I am looking online for places that sell saltwater fish so I can buy him a few for the fish I killed.
And how was YOUR weekend?
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Weekend from HELL... Part 1
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Posted:May 7, 2007 3:30 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2014 6:45 pm
9090 Views
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Did you ever have one of those weekends you are just go glad it is finally over? Well, I had mine this past weekend.
Very good friends of mine asked me if I could housesit for them while they went away to Tennessee for the weekend to see their grandchild. I went over on Thursday evening to get my lesson on feeding the fish; they have a 200-gallon (I am assuming) saltwater tank. I’ve watched the fish before, fed them, and seemed like an easy thing to do. Well, the day before the owners left, they drained out some of the water and added new water, well if you know ANYTHING about saltwater tanks, you know all the PH levels have to be stable or the fish die…yeah, now the story is starting to get good huh?
Friday comes, well, being my birthday month, some of the girls and I from the office go out for happy hour, I get to the house, the puppies are so happy to see me, (I love these dogs), I get ready to feed the fish…go over to the tank, get the cup I use to scoop out the water and put the pellets in to thaw. Well, I notice the fish are pretty lethargic, not swimming around like they were the night before. This has me a bit concerned, me, not knowing the first thing about saltwater tanks I start to fret. Well, really, what can I do, not much, right? I go to bed and awake the next morning to my FIRST dead fish, mind you, I am a wee bit frantic now, I call the owners and I tell them, something is wrong and I’ve discovered my first dead fish…what do I do? I love my friends; they are such good people, salt of the earth, they tell me to get the fish out of the tank and put it in a plastic bag and throw it away.
Well, I have a fear of something’s, dead fish and touching one, that would be one, I know use the net to fish it out right, yeah well…you have to understand me, it is NOT going to happen, thank the dear sweet Jesus another of our friends came by, he scooped up the dead fish and threw it away for me. I called the owners and said, something is wrong, the fish don’t look well, they told me not to worry, if I lose the fish it is ok since they have just changed the water, which is expected.
Well, I was on the phone with another friend and I realized, I am out of smokes, I will just run up to the store and grab a pack and come home while I am chatting to him. I get money out of my wallet and head off to the store. I am the type I always buckle, well, I was on the phone and preoccupied (you can see where this is going right?) back out of the drive and head off to the store. Still chatting away on the phone, I come to the stop sign to be greeted by Howard Counties Finest. Yep, they look right at me, I tell my friend, I need to go, I am getting pulled over now for NOT wearing my seatbelt. I pull over and the dear sweet (and I might add, handsome) officer asks me for my license and registration, (did you see me say I grabbed my wallet, nope, just money), I kindly tell the officer I am driving my friends car, I don’t know where she keeps the registration and well, I don’t have my license, well, I find what I need, he takes my information down, and goes back to check to see if I am a wanted criminal. Well, this cute officer comes back up and asks me if he had gotten all my information correct, and repeated everything to me once again, I told him, yes, everything was right. Now I am starting to get a bit nervous, I am thinking something is wrong, I am going to jail (would be the frosting on the cake as to how my day has been going so far), he tells me everything is fine and just stay in the car; me being the obedient one, does as I am told. A few more minutes pass and the other officer in the car comes up to the car and asks for my information AGAIN, I ask if everything is ok, and he tells me they can’t find me in SOUNDEX, now I am really scared, (remember I have my friends car, no license) and here is where they are going to lock me up and throw away the key. Finally, after about 10 minutes the cute officer comes back to me and asks me to sign my ticket for not wearing my seatbelt.
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The Plan...
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Posted:May 2, 2007 10:50 am
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2014 6:45 pm
8984 Views
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You gotta love Robin Williams... Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.
Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to Argue with this logic!)
"I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for
Peace. So, here's one plan."
1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good ole boys", we will never "interfere" again.
2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East, and the Philippines . They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.
3) All illegal aliens have 30 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 30 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.
4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.
5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.
6) The US will make a strong effort
To become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while
7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)
 If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?
"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "
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When I am gone...
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Posted:Apr 22, 2007 10:29 am
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2014 6:44 pm
8310 Views
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I popped a CD into the laptop today and was listening, I did not really even pay attention to what CD I had put in, but it was 3 Doors Down. I've been lucky enough to have seen them twice in the past 2 years, both times, great, they really do put on a great show.
Listening to the song, 'When I am Gone' gives me many mixed emotions. It makes me wonder, have I had an effect on those I care about, I know they have effected me, in many positive ways, there are some negative, but I prefer to focus on the positive. I sit here outside reflecting, thinking of all the great things that have happened to me in the past few years. I've met many great people from this site, and each of them has blessed me in a way I can't explain. The friendships I've made have completed me, my sisters, Impish_Pixie, GMURN, _Safira and Fiestybritches, you have completed me, made me who I am today, I am so blessed to have you in my life, I don't know where I would be without you all.
There痴 another world inside of me that you may never see,
There痴 secrets in this life I can稚 hide.
Well, somewhere in this darkness, there痴 a light that I can稚 find
Well, maybe its to far away, maybe I知 just blind
Maybe I知 just blind,
Chorus
So hold me when I知 here,
Love me when I知 wrong,
Hold me when I知 scared,
And love me when I知 gone.
Everything I am,
And everything in me,
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I値l never let you down,
Even if I could,
Give up everything,
If only for your good,
So hold me when I知 here,
Love me when I知 wrong,
Hold me when I知 scared,
You won稚 always be there,
So love me when I知 gone.
So love me when I知 gone
Refrain
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin,
I won稚 tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends.
Now roaming through this darkness,
I知 alive but I知 alone,
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.
Chorus
So hold me when I知 here,
Love me when I知 wrong,
Hold me when I知 scared,
And love me when I知 gone.
Everything I am,
And everything in me,
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I値l never let you down,
Even if I could,
Give up everything,
If only for your good,
So hold me when I知 here,
Love me when I知 wrong,
Hold me when I知 scared,
You won稚 always be there,
So love me when I知 gone.
Maybe I知 just blind.
As my sisters know, and close friends know, I do have another world inside of me, a world that not many are blessed to see. I am a very passionate person, I either like you or I don't, there is NO inbetween in my world, a first impression is everything. Go out in this world today, make a good first impression on someone, tell someone they are important to you before it is too late to tell them.
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Unconditional Love
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Posted:Mar 30, 2007 7:52 am
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2016 5:36 pm
8424 Views
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Unconditional love, indeed a very beautiful thing. Once you have been blessed with it, you will never forget it.
A Beautiful Story
Anyone who has pets will really like this.
You'll like it even if you don't have pets.
Mary and her husband Jim had a dog, Lucky. Lucky was a real character. Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy.
Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing. Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky's favorite toys. Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box.
It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease, she was just sure it was fatal. She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders.
The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her...what would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old liked Jim, he was Mary's through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him. The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death.
The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little just drooped, whining and miserable.
Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap.
Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed. When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned!
While she had slept, the sorrowing had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life. He had covered her with his love. Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every night. It's been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free.
Lucky? He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure.
Live everyday to the fullest.
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
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Something that should be taught in math class
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Posted:Mar 30, 2007 7:44 am
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2008 11:22 am
8059 Views
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From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 127%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top!
If I may add one more equation:
W-H-O Y-O-U K-N-O-W
23+8+15+25+15+21+11+14+15+23 = 170%
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Don't Piss a Woman Off!
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Posted:Mar 30, 2007 7:42 am
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2008 11:22 am
8199 Views
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This is what happens when you piss a woman off...it's NOT advisable.
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60. Perhaps, your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says, "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth.....
"Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't haveyour seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And, as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Only when he's been drinking."
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Why Women are the BEST!
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Posted:Mar 29, 2007 11:06 am
Last Updated:Mar 30, 2007 7:10 am
8316 Views
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The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
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Landing....
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Posted:Mar 21, 2007 12:20 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2007 2:08 pm
8328 Views
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I was listening to the good ole ITunes at work, and this song came on...if it were not for those that I hold dear to me, I don't know where I would be today.
Thanks to those whom I hold very dear to me, I love each of you in your own way.
I woke up today in London
As the plane was touching down
And all I could think about was monday
And maybe ill be back around
If this keeps me away much longer
I dont know what i will do
Youve got to understand its a hard life
That im going through
And when the night falls in around me
I dont think ill make it through
Ill use your light to guide the way
Cause all I think about is you
Well L.A is getting kinda crazy
And New york is getting kinda cold
I keep my head from geting lazy
I just cant wait to get back home
And all these days i spend away
Ill make up for this i swear
I need your love to hold me up
When its all too much to bear
And when the night falls in around me
I dont think ill make it through
Ill use your light to guide the way
Cause all I think about is you
And all these days i spend away
Ill make up for this i swear
I need your love to hold me up
When its all too much to bear
When the night falls in around me
I dont think ill make it through
Ill use your light to guide the way
Cause all I think about is you
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Fairy Tail...or is that tale?
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Posted:Mar 14, 2007 12:53 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2014 6:41 pm
8189 Views
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I got this email today from a dear friend of mine, he always makes me laugh when I most need it, thanks honey  I am glad you are in my life.
This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little:
Once upon a time in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: " Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my ,
and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. "
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't freakin think so.
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Golf Anyone?
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Posted:Mar 9, 2007 1:42 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2007 2:09 pm
8083 Views
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A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.
Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, “Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee", she said.
"Where", he asked.
"Between the first and second hole", she replied.
He nodded knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."
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Pussy......Cat
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Posted:Feb 28, 2007 12:50 pm
Last Updated:Mar 10, 2007 2:14 pm
8111 Views
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We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our
Pet Parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in
the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, My wife
doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to
poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket
to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"
The cab driver hit a parked car...
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