YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE
|
Posted:Feb 9, 2009 7:35 pm
Last Updated:Feb 19, 2009 4:11 pm
10401 Views
|
A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing.
"Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her.
"Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor.
"I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her. |
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
A Trucker
|
Posted:Feb 5, 2009 10:28 pm
Last Updated:Feb 10, 2009 4:20 pm
10824 Views
|
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He
said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running
boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went
to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered
three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.
What does he think this place is ..
an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of
headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices
of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then
spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires,
headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
SIGNS HE ONLY WANTS TO GET LAID
|
Posted:Feb 5, 2009 10:16 pm
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2009 6:53 pm
10587 Views
|
| | - Watching a nature show where animals fornicate, he keeps winking and doing the eyebrow thing.
- When you ask him what kind of car he likes to drive, he solemnly replies, "The skin bus to tuna town," and then laughs until he cries.
- You note that integrity is so important in a man, he notes that what he looks for in a "chick " is "you know."
- He whispers, "You're beautiful," to your thighs, then glances up at your face and says, "Oh you, too."
- When you comment on the rarity of men these days who seek mature relationships, he giggles quite a bit.
- In conversation with others, he refers to you as his "quality tail."
- Washing dishes after you've cooked him dinner for the first time, you reach behind you to take the paper towels off the paper-towel rod and then realize that you don't own a paper-towel rod.
- When you're insulted by his "motel" suggestion at the end of your first date, he looks impressed and says, "Hotel?"
- When you proudly recount your glorious high school valedictory speech to him, he praises "your multi-talented mouth."
- When you tell him what you do for a living, he stares at your breasts and loudly asks, "What do they do?" | |
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
Nympho Wife
|
Posted:Feb 3, 2009 7:30 pm
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2009 7:37 pm
10659 Views
|
Newly married couple both nyphomaniacs, husband comes downstairs in
the morning and the wife asks what he'd like for breakfast "Oh think
I'll have a shag please!" So they go upstairs have a shag then he
goes to work. Husband comes home for lunch, "What would you like for
lunch dear?" "Oh I think I'll have a shag please!" So again they shag
and he returns to work. Half hour later he walks in the house and
finds his wife sliding up and down the bannister! "What are you
doin?" he asks. "I'm warming up your dinner!!" |
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
Buzzzzzzz
|
Posted:Feb 3, 2009 5:49 pm
Last Updated:Feb 13, 2009 4:24 pm
11527 Views
|
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed.
The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud.
The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.
The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"
|
 |
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
Airways
|
Posted:Jan 27, 2009 9:34 pm
Last Updated:Feb 5, 2009 9:32 pm
10505 Views
|
U.S. Airways Airbus Retrofit
|
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
Dead Goldfish
|
Posted:Jan 27, 2009 9:27 pm
Last Updated:Feb 5, 2009 9:29 pm
11022 Views
|
Little Nancy's goldfish dies.
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbour was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fucking cat." |
|
|
|
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
Yummy
|
Posted:Jan 27, 2009 9:11 pm
Last Updated:Feb 5, 2009 9:26 pm
10455 Views
|
A man walks into a bar, sits down and drinks a beer. Then he drinks another
and another and...soon he needs to take a leak.
He's standing at the urinal in the mens room, when he looks over and notices
three black men standing at the urinals. He notices that the one in the
middle has a white penis. He zips up and still a bit confused, goes back to
the bar.
He orders another beer and mentions to the bartender, "I was in the mens
room and noticed three black men in there. I swear the one in the middle
had a white penis."
The bartender says, pointing, "You mean those three guys at that table over
there."
"Yes," the man says, "They're the ones."
"Well," replies the bartender, "those three guys aren't black. They're coal
miners. The one in the middle must have gone home for lunch." |
|
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Bad, Bad Girlfriend
|
Posted:Jan 20, 2009 9:32 pm
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2009 1:50 pm
10469 Views
|
I love this song! My hubby says it reminds him of me, back in the good ole days!!! LOL!!!My Girlfriend's a dick magnet My Girlfriend's gotta have it
She's hot, can't stop, up on stage, doing shots, Tip the man he'll
Ring the bell, get her drunk she'll scream like hell.
Dirty girl, gettin' down, dance with guys from outta town.
Grab her ass, actin' tough. Mess with her, she'll fuck you up.
No one really knows if she's drunk or if she's stoned, but she's
Comin' back to my place tonite!
She likes to shake her ass she grinds it to the beat
She likes to pull my hair when I make her grind her teeth
I like to strip her down she's naughty to the end
You know what she is, no doubt about it
She's a bad, bad girlfriend!
Red thong, Party's on, Love this song, sing along.
Come together, leave alone, see you later back at home
No one really knows if she's drunk or is she's stoned
But she's coming back to my place tonite. I say
No one really knows just how far she's gonna go,
But I'm gonna find out later tonite
She likes to shake her ass she grinds it to the beat
She likes to pull my hair when I make her grind her teeth
I like to strip her down she's naughty to the end
You know what she is, no doubt about it
She's a bad, bad girlfriend!
Doesn't take her long to make things right.
But does it make her wrong to
Have the time of her life. the time of her life
My girlfriend's a dick magnet My girlfriend's gotta have it
She's a gold digger now you figure out it's over, pull the trigger.
Futures finished, there it went, savings gone,
The money spent
I look around and all I see is, no good, bad and ugly,
Man she's hot and fixed to be, the future
Ex-Miss Connolly!
She likes to shake her ass she grinds it to the beat
She likes to pull my hair when I make her grind her teeth
I like to strip her down she's naughty to the end
You know what she is, no doubt about it
She's a bad, bad girlfriend!
She's a bad, bad girlfriend.
She's a bad, bad girlfriend. |
By:Theory of a Deadman
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
You Are
|
Posted:Jan 20, 2009 9:15 pm
Last Updated:Feb 3, 2009 5:13 pm
10595 Views
|
| You are the bullet in my gun, You are the reason my loving is done, You are the aching in my heart, You are the reason I am torn apart, You are the darkness of my fears, You are the reason for my tears, You are the center of my hurt, You are the reason I am clawing the dirt, You are deep in my memories, You are the reason my mind’s not at ease, You are the one with all the lies, You are the reason for my black eyes, You are the blackening, endless abyss, You are the reason for my deadly kiss. You are my pain. |
By: JoAnna Martin
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
The Global Facts ...
|
Posted:Jan 16, 2009 9:48 pm
Last Updated:Jan 27, 2009 8:30 pm
10413 Views
|
At Any Given Moment:
79,000,000 people are engaged in intercourse right now.
58,000,000 are kissing.
37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
1 lonely bugger is reading e-mails.
You hang in there sunshine! |
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
Flat Tire
|
Posted:Jan 16, 2009 9:43 pm
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2009 9:51 pm
10673 Views
|
| | Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to
the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.
I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my
car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe!
They are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the
approaching drivers.
I started to change my tire, and to my surprise, cars started slowing down
looking at my lifelike men. And of course, traffic started backing up.
Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long
before a state trooper pulled up behind me.
He got out of his car and started walking towards me. I could tell he was
not a happy camper!
"What's going on here?"
"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.
"Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"
I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him,
"Hello-o-o-o-o-o,
those are my emergency flashers!" | ] |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
The Five Secrets To A Great Relationship
|
Posted:Jan 15, 2009 9:34 pm
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2009 1:38 pm
10475 Views
|
1. It is important to find a man who works around the house,
occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.
2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man who is dependable, respectful and
doesn't lie.
4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to
have sex with you.
5. It is important that these four men never meet.
|
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (jeffandBonna) use [blog jeffandBonna] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
|
|
|
11
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
