Angel of Love
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Posted:Dec 12, 2008 10:17 am
Last Updated:Dec 25, 2008 9:39 am
10763 Views
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She puts the sweetness in your dreams. She puts the twinkle in your eye. She puts the enticement in your soul. She puts the mysterious beauty in the night sky. She has the embrace of an angel, solace will you find within. Love her, cherish her, as she does you. Let your heart give in. She is the Angel of Love, sent to you from above. To guide you in your most desperate hour and heal you with her mystical power. She has a way to hide your darkest fears. She can shine the light on you again. Appreciate her complete devotion. She will be with you until the very end. Never will she give up on you, she has a mission to complete. With love at her command she reaches to you, In time you will be freed. She is the Angel of Love, sent to you from above. To guide you in your most desperate hour and heal you with her mystical power. She'll be with you forever. |
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By: JoAnna Martin
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Pinnochio
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Posted:Dec 5, 2008 9:05 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2008 6:31 pm
11203 Views
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Pinnochio was receiving complaints from his girlfriend about
consummating their passions. "Every time we make love," she said, "I
get splinters!" So he went back to his maker, Gipetto, the carpenter,
to ask for advice.
"Sandpaper my boy, that's what you need," was the carpenter's
response.
A couple of weeks later the carpenter saw Pinnochio again, "How are
you getting on with the girls now?"
"Who needs girls?" replied Pinnochio. |
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3
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The Rodeo
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Posted:Dec 5, 2008 7:48 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2008 6:24 pm
10935 Views
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A cowboy walks into a bar and sits next to another guy. They soon get
into a deep discussion about their sex lives and after a few the
cowboy asks the other dude, "Have you ever heard of the Rodeo
Position?" The other man said he hadn't so the cowboy continued in
saying "Well, you mount your wife from behind, cup her breasts
firmly, and say 'Hey, these are almost as good as your sister's. See if
you can stay on for 8 seconds."
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3
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Senior
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Posted:Dec 3, 2008 10:28 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2008 9:50 am
10695 Views
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Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.
Set timer for 10 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!
Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
Keep extra Polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.
If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
Don't even think about trying it twice. |
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2
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A New Drink
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Posted:Dec 1, 2008 7:22 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2008 6:16 pm
10739 Views
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A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're Sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink.
The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him.
The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar -- A saltshaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot Of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice."
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.
He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK.
He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks -- this is OK.
Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.
.... In one-second the sharp lime taste hits...
.... At two seconds the Baileys curdles
.... At three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits.
This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend; he swallows the now nasty drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus, what do you call that drink?"
She smiles widely at him and says........ .... "Blow Job Revenge"
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Grandmas 100th Birthday!!!
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Posted:Nov 27, 2008 7:04 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2008 6:27 pm
10945 Views
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The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.
Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate.
After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.
A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.
Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.
A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, 'Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?'
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew....... .
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'Bastards won't let me fart.' |
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2
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Why I was away AGAIN
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Posted:Nov 27, 2008 6:56 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2008 6:25 pm
10905 Views
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WOW!!! Everybody...
Well thank-you for the e-mails.
I was totally blown away! I just had to take a short break.
No not cuz of any of you or anything like that.
Why? You ask? Well I'm a gonna tell ya why!
You all know that big HUGE company that makes big
HUGE airplanes?????
Well Jeff(my wonderful hubby)works for that huge company
and belongs to the machinists union and guess what?
They went on strike!!!!!!
And I spent all that time with Jeff(my wonderful hubby).
It was rough but we made it through it! And a good thing they all went back to
work cuz Jeff(my wonderful hubby)
Was driving me CRAZY!!!
Anyyywaaaaayyyyysss!!!
I really need to do alot of catching up to do so
thats a what I'm a gonna do!
Oh! HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!!
I'll be baaaack!!
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2
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Friend
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Posted:Aug 20, 2008 8:12 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2008 10:17 am
12710 Views
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You're...
My Friend,
my companion,
through good times and bad
my friend, my buddy,
through happy and sad,
beside me you stand,
beside me you walk,
you're there to listen,
you're there to talk,
with happiness, with smiles,
with pain and tears,
I know you'll be there,
throughout the years! |
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9
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Been really busy
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Posted:Aug 20, 2008 4:43 pm
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2008 8:56 pm
12903 Views
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here on the ole homestead!!
Well to start it off my mother came to visit for a week.
And well along time ago we met this couple here on Passion and have become very good friends.
Well to make a long story short. They are having some family problems soooooo one of them stayed here for about a week and we just lended that person our listenng ears and gave alittle advice. Hope everything worked out for them!!
And it is now time to get our ready for school! You know the school clothes shopping and of course school supplies! I didn't know that school supplies could be so expensive!!
Anyyyyyywaaayyyys! Then my hubby(Jeff) has been sick. He went back to work today! Very sorry to you all, for disappearing like that!
Anyyyyyywaaayyyy! I will be trying to catch up with ya all as soon as I can.
Hope everyone has had a great week so far!
We've got one more thing to do but thats not until Monday!
Gotta register my for the 8th grade.
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6
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Man Translations
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Posted:Jul 31, 2008 10:13 pm
Last Updated:Nov 23, 2008 3:19 pm
12773 Views
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"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
"It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"It would take too long to explain," REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works."
"I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead."
"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard," REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?"
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love," REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again."
"It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women."
"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses," REALLY MEANS, "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, wearing a thong."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
"I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."
"Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing," REALLY MEANS, "I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving."
"I brought you a present," REALLY MEANS, "It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game."
"I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again."
"We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up."
"I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help." |
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6
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Quote
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Posted:Jul 28, 2008 8:46 pm
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2008 6:38 pm
12613 Views
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People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.
~Ramona L. Anderson |
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9
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The Mailman's Retirement
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Posted:Jul 28, 2008 7:12 pm
Last Updated:Aug 20, 2008 4:51 pm
12148 Views
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It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea." |
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5
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