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Is it over?
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Is it over? Well... I finally got the courage to tell Pauline I want to break away from her. I was too selfish and all these came too sudden. It was never a relationship to me. I told her i wanted a fuck-buddy. She said she understood what that means. Well,.. we never really fucked a lot. But it was clear that she wanted a boyfriend. She was always asking if i wanted to meet her friends and her cousins. During these few days, there was more than thrice we went on a movie date. There was once we went to see 2 movies in one night! When we were going out, she always holds my hands tightly. I also made dinner for her on the night when her parents were away. She always sings or hymns songs when I'm not talking. She dyed her hair black and wore glasses... she had even tried to quit smoking! I was kinda touched. But what she is doing just makes me feels worse... she is reminding me of my previous girlfriend, who i am still missing very much. Our outing always ends up with her in tears. Sometimes my ex-WTB will call and i will just excuse myself in front of her and answer the phone. I feel really sorry for Pauline. But i can't change the way i feel. I try not to meet her all the time, but sometimes she will just wait for me at my void deck. She is going all-out. Even if i'm trying to hide from her. So yesterday night, i called her and told her we should call it quits She yelled on the phone, abusing me with several well known hokkien expletives and i can hear a loud crashing sound before the phone call ends - she must have thrown her phone on the floor or something. A few hours later, she called me again. "Sorry... i am sorry!" she cried. "I am at your void deck... can you come and see me or not?" My heart softened again. Even while i was thinking how freaky can she get, it was still very mean of me to make a girl cry... furthermore, she is young. I approached her... a crying little Pauline walked towards me As she was really close, i felt a sharp pain across my cheeks, with a deafening sound Well, i got a slap I was stunned and furious for the past 2 minutes, with my hand cupping my warm left cheek. Then she hugged me and cry.... ???? At this very moment, i can feel how hurt she felt. She cried so hard while she kept thumping my chest with her clenched fist. "I tried very hard to make you love me, you know or not??" she said rather incomprehensibly I just nodded. She then pushed herself away from me.. "And then?? All you know is just fuck fuck fuck!!" The Ah Lian in her woke up suddenly. "I really want to chop your Lam Pa (not football player, but a Hokkien term for balls) off you know?" she growled She then took out a cigarette, placed it in her mouth and frantically tried to light it... I was wondering why do girls change so fast and what should i do. I did something really silly. I pulled out her cigarette and kissed her. A few seconds later.... "Die la!" i thought to myself. "What am i doing??" I was repeating my mistake! We broke away from our embrace slowly. She wiped off her tears and held my face. "I loved you, but then we are not the fated" (sic) she said. "Anyway, i think i must be desperate la, you so ugly!! You sibei buay hiao pai, some more you nuah nuah one" (Sibei = damn, "Buay Hiao Pai" = Shameless, "Nuah Nuah" = Soft) ????!!!!???? "Maybe we can be friends la! But i will not contact you anymore. I feel so stupid. Like !!" she scoffed She then turned away . I caught her hand and told her i will see her back. We then went up and I sneaked into my dad's room and stole the car keys to drive her home. We never talked throughout the ride. I kept singing the songs she used to sing to me. She finally laughed "I hope we are still friends" I said She nodded. "But please hor, we don't do that anymore ok?" I nodded. She got off the car and waved goodbye. I felt some relieve, until on my way back, she sent me a real long message. The summary was that she is still very upset and she don't want to contact me anymore. (it's full of short forms and emoticons) I never replied. I suddenly felt very lost. Why must it end this way? Should i oblige? As much as i should thank my fortune that i get someone that seems to appreciate me so much, I just can't click with her. And it's just weird that anyone can fall in love so quickly... But then again, is ending the affair this way right? |
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