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My spirit reconnect…Part I
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My spirit reconnect…Part I  I’ve been wanting to write about my Memorial Day weekend but I haven’t been able to decide what direction to take. Mainly because I don’t know if I can properly convey to anyone the level of significance that weekend had for me. This could amount to a bunch of jibberish, yet I have really been drawn to putting this down. So here it goes….. Friday the 24th; was the end of a very stressful week at work. I really needed to decompress. Going home and relaxing wasn’t going to cut it. My had moved out about a month ago, (divorced for years now) and although I am an introvert and for the most part enjoy being alone, I needed to be around people, just not a bunch of strangers. I know what you’re thinking, set up a meeting and get seriously fucked. Sure I could have gone for that but selfishly I really didn’t want to think about anyone else’s needs. And to address another thought you may be having, I don’t drink. Drinking would have been an artificial relaxation with unwelcome side effects. So I went to my sister’s house, normally I don’t accept their invitation because I always feel like a third wheel. My sister lives on the water at a local lake. They are full time residents of a camp ground, which has seasonal occupancy of course. Hunters in the winter and of course now the water folk are coming in. That holiday weekend there were neighbors in but they were doing their thing and everyone just minded their own business. Having one of the neighbors blaring music for the whole campgrounds to hear was even pleasant, and another good thing was the smoke from their fire was keeping the mosquitoes away. I have always loved being on/near water. The weather was pleasantly warm, nice constant winds coming across the lake. I don’t know if I exhibited obligatory guest like behavior, but all I wanted was to change into my hang around the house dress and get outdoors, sitting in their swing overlooking the water. Of course it was all good with them, sis even joined me and we had a good time visiting. I had to be really tense because it took me about an hour and half to realize my neck and shoulders had finally loosened and I could take a deep cleansing breath. I took a couple more deep breaths and got my sis seriously tickled at me. We decided to go in about 9:30PM mainly just because we had to go potty…LOL….I felt rejuvenated, restless, not wanting to be indoors at all, but I sat down to be social. Now remember I had no expectation of hearing from or meeting any one. Well I get a call from a friend who I haven’t seen since January. Here’s where I get stuck…how do I explain this relationship….I don’t need or want judgment nor do I need to validate anything to anyone….. So bluntly and just the facts, I suppose. I’ve known him for 20 years. However, we haven’t been having sex the whole time. Our lives took us in different directions living in different cities, and during the time I was married, even though I wandered about him I never did cheat. So in 2008, my divorce became final, 2009 I wanted to start going out again. One day when I saw him at a convenience store, looking fine, my jaw dropped, my heart stopped, and I just stood there looking at him….lol. To make a long story short, he’s married, and I’ve become, what it is called by the majority, a “booty call”. Good, bad or ugly I don’t care what I’m called.I don’t have any delusions of him leaving her and marrying me. I’m not trying to compete and become his #1 lady. During the time we are together we are just in the moment and enjoy each other’s company. There’s no great romanticized ideas in my head in regards to him, nor do I hate him. It is what it is and he is who he is. Now normally when he calls I’m the one super worried about making sure we are discreet, that no one who knows him sees us together. He sometimes will say “I don’t really care if anyone sees us”. When he says that I just usually laugh at him and continue on with the usual arrangements. I avoid drama like it’s the plague. We have our places we go, and everything’s good. Back to Friday the 24th; even though by now I am relaxed and it would be nice to have some physical contact, the kind he provides, I’m still feeling rather selfish and really don’t want to deal with his needs. I tell him I am at my sisters for the night, and before I have a chance to say anything else he’s asking for directions and saying he would like to meet my sister and visit. Well, I do the usual, laugh, and come up with all kinds of reasons why it could be trouble to come out there to see me so publicly. He is not to be deterred. Now understand even though I’ve been dating, for all these years I have not brought any man around my family since my divorce, simply because there has not been a serious relationship. It’s funny, when he got there, I didn’t know what to do with myself. He and my brother in law ended up really getting along wonderfully, which is great because I am horrible at small talk. What’s funnier is that I thought it was damn odd for him to want to be touchy feely and kiss me in front of anyone. I haven’t had that in many moons. So it was midnight by the time we made our excuses to go outside for some alone time. It was then I realized it was a full moon weekend. Its been many years since I’ve felt the pull of the full moon, I realized right then that’s why I was so restless and on edge. (I’m not crazy) We spent another two hours doing all manner of things only the man in the moon should know about. My lesson for that night…..by god socialize more…..it really felt good being in good company Saturday and Sunday will be another story……more to come….. Here I Am Practice What You Preach    |
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