Happy Sunday
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Posted:Apr 19, 2009 7:23 am
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2009 8:29 am
2761 Views
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"Nurses aren't supposed to laugh." Fred declared.
"Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional nurse.
In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," Fred said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing
the tiniest man thingy the nurse
had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have
been bigger than a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then almost fell
to the floor laughing. A few minutes later she was able to regain her
composure .
"I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I don't know what came over me. On my
honor as a nurse and a lady,
I promise it won't happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," Fred replied.
Things went downhill from there.
A little Sunday humor for ya, but it did remind of a true funny story from my youth.
I had a appendicitis attack in January of 1967, and the approach to recovery was different than today standards; namely you had to rest in bed (6 weeks)and didn't get up and walk around like they do today.
Two of my friends were visiting, and the nurse came in to change my bandage. She pulled the curtain as my friends sat; she proceeded to say, "oh you have a small one there", and my buddies cracked up. She than pulled the curtain back and in a very stern nurse Ratched voice said, "I was referring to his dressing".
Have a nice day and a pleasant tomorrow.
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Thursday Humor
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Posted:Apr 9, 2009 7:40 am
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2009 5:22 am
2573 Views
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A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an older lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"
"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."
"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"
"Thirty-four," she replied.
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Email of the Day!
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Posted:Apr 3, 2009 6:49 am
Last Updated:May 12, 2024 11:9 am
2365 Views
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It is cheaper than the bail out…!
I love this plan!
This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?"
I thought this was the BEST idea. I think this guy nailed it!
Dear Mr. President,
Patriotic retirement:
There's about 40 million people over 50 in the work force;
pay them $1 million apiece severance with three stipulations:
1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed.
All National financial problems fixed!!! It would never work; it's to easy.
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The New World
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Posted:Apr 1, 2009 8:46 am
Last Updated:Apr 4, 2009 2:33 pm
1329 Views
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No wonder the middle east is in deep shit!
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The Sweet Sixteen
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Posted:Apr 1, 2009 4:11 am
Last Updated:May 12, 2024 11:9 am
1400 Views
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1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good
memory.. I don't remember, what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try
Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good
partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
Of course I liked number 13 the best
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Illegal Drag Racing
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Posted:Mar 8, 2009 5:03 pm
Last Updated:Apr 5, 2009 2:42 pm
1458 Views
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A friend who works for the Police sent me the attached photo of a drag race that went horribly bad.
It's kind of disturbing to look at, but it serves as a reminder of what can happen when drag races occur.
Please... Keep drag racing off the streets!
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Monday Humor!
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Posted:Feb 9, 2009 6:27 am
Last Updated:Feb 16, 2009 5:18 am
1452 Views
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'If the light stays on for more than 4 hours, call your electrician.'
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Got one of those emails..................................................................
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Posted:Feb 8, 2009 7:15 am
Last Updated:Apr 5, 2009 2:43 pm
1597 Views
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.................................from another site from a woman that I correspond with once and while asking "what would you do to me if you had me locked up in your room for 24 hours?"
This was my response to her.
First thing I would do is get out the oil warmer. Run you a nice warm bath with bubbles. Allow you to get all comfy and sink in and let all the bubbles cover up all the good parts, kind of like a little tease for me. Oh yea, no lights just candles, and your favorite beverage. I'd use one of those wash cloth hand mitts, and caress your body all over till you were squeaky clean.
I'd have a big soft bath towel held up so when you stood up I wouldn’t really see your body and I'd wrap the towel around to dry you off; I'd finish that with you face down on my bed. I would leave the towel covering your derriere, and start massaging your feet, and than moving up your calves, with the warm oil of course, and back, arms and shoulders. Knowing me I’d be nibbling at your shoulder, neck and ears too.
Okay the towel is gone now slowly caressing your firm derriere. Maybe a couple of nibbles and a gentle tap or two and I turn you over to view your entire splendor. Dripping warm sensual oils on your arms, breasts, stomach, and legs I massages deep into the pours of your skin from bottom to top. I’ll need to kiss you now with gentle slightly parted lips to deep passionate tongue darting lust.
I have to travel now, soft bites, alternating kisses and licks on your neck, shoulder, arms, and breast. Sucking your rock hard nipples I move south toward you stomach; tonguing your navel en route. As I kiss, lick, and nibble your hip, legs, I move to a kneeling position and lift up your leg so that I can pleasure the back of your knee while my finger tips are ever some slightly stroking whatever areas I can reach.
Lowering your leg I begin to move to the inner thigh while my finger tips find their way to the delightful playground. I can no longer contain myself as my tongue replaces my finger tip in search of your sweet nectar; wanting to hear moans of joy and you begging me to stop as your toes curl.
Now that’s just the start.
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Happy Sunday
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Posted:Dec 14, 2008 6:01 am
Last Updated:May 12, 2024 11:9 am
1647 Views
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The email of the Day!
1. Customers at Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of every day.
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.
4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer. And many can't speak English.
6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.
7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.
8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy (including Winn-Dixie).
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.
11. This year, 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at a Wal-Mart store.
(Earth's population is approximately 6.5 billion.)
12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.
13. Why don't we let Wal-Mart bail out Wall Street?
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Email of the Day!
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Posted:Dec 7, 2008 4:58 am
Last Updated:May 12, 2024 11:9 am
1385 Views
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1929 and now . . . .
Back in 1929's financial crash it was said that some Wall Street Stockbrokers and Bankers JUMPED from their office windows and committed suicide when confronted with the news of their firms' and ' financial ruin . . . many people were said to almost feel a little sorry for them . . . . . . .
In 2008 the attitude has changed somewhat: See Photo.
Have a nice day, a pleasant tomorrow, and a good week ahead.
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Tuesday Humor!
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Posted:Dec 3, 2008 1:23 am
Last Updated:May 12, 2024 11:9 am
1450 Views
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HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES ?
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell, they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
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A time to reflect
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Posted:Nov 29, 2008 5:15 pm
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2008 3:13 pm
1765 Views
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My grandmother died in the 50s, but her birthday is coming up, and that
always causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the store
in town, the quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds
or washing the sidewalk...
Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the
crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only about 13. We were
sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 40 soda bottles for
the deposit money on a beautiful spring day.
She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own
family. 'And always remember this thing,' she said. 'Be sure you marry a
woman with small hands.'
'How come, Grandma?' I asked her.
She answered in her soft Newfoundland voice.
'Makes your dick look bigger.'
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it
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Just Think
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Posted:Nov 26, 2008 1:57 am
Last Updated:Jan 31, 2009 8:14 am
1384 Views
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...if the Indians had given the Pilgrim Fathers
a donkey instead of a turkey we would all be having a
piece of ass for Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving!!!
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To link to this blog (wanttopamperyou2) use [blog wanttopamperyou2] in your messages.
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