SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007
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Posted:Oct 26, 2008 4:42 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:58 pm
6874 Views
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Scenario:
Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1957
- Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007
- School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to
jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for
traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario:
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1957
- Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
;
Scenario:
Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1957
- Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.
Scenario:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario:
Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007- BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.
This should hit every e-mail to show how stupid we have become! And if we do not wake up and take our country back - WE will not have a country , nor a society to grow old in or for our to grow up in. Think about it !
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72 questions about the 72 Virgins LOL :)
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Posted:Oct 24, 2008 5:05 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:58 pm
6932 Views
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1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience?
2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is he stuck with 71?
3) If he's gay, does he get male virgins?
4) What if he's celibate? What does he get?
5) What if he hasn't reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till he comes of age?
6) If he's bi, does he get 36 of each?
7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit?
 What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-douze?
9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines?
10) What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want anything to do with him?
11) Is there viagra in paradise? Ya know, just in case?
12) Is there an age of consent?
13) When they're deflowered, do they get replaced by new virgins or are they "born again"?
14) Do they become his common-law wives eventually?
15) If he has a tryst with a 73rd virgin, do the others consider it cheating?
16) Do the virgins have a union? If so, can they strike if they're not satisfied?
17) Is there a temp agency that replaces virgins if they call in sick?
1 What if the bomber's into animals? Does he get accommodated?
19) Why 72? Is 71 too few? Is 73 too many?
20) If it was a female bomber, how do the male virgins prove their virginity?
21) What happens when paradise runs out of virgins?
22) Can a bomber make reservations on specific virgins before he blows himself up?
23) If there are no virgins available, is he put on a waiting list?
24) If he's a catholic priest, does he get 72 little boys?
25) Would you call a female bomber a bombshell?
26) Would you call a bomber a bombino?
27) Is it not 73 out of respect for Barry Bond's home run record?
2 If the bomber previously dated one of the virgins, does it get awkward?
29) Do they have a bomb squad in paradise just in case one of the charges didn't go off?
30) Did they start using female bombers because they ran out of virgins for the guys?
31) If she's a lesbian, do they "convert" the virgins, or will straight girls suffice her?
32) Does a hermaphrodite bomber get hermaphrodite virgins?
33) If so, are there 72 available?
34) If they run out of virgins, do they get inflatable dolls till they find more?
35) If a bomber finds an infidel in paradise, can he blow him up and get 72 more virgins?
36) Could the Koran have had a typo and it actually provided just one 72 year old virgin?
37) Is Muslim hell being one of the 72 virgins?
3 Instead of 72 guys, would a female bomber settle for 1 man who does dishes and garbage?
39) Do the bombers go broke on Valentine's Day?
40) If he's monogamous, does he pick one of the 72 or does he get a supermodel?
41) What if he doesn't like either gender? Does he just klutz around in paradise?
42) Eternity is long, and eventually he'll grow bored of his 72 women. What happens then?
43) How does he pick the 72 to begin with? Lottery? Beauty pageant? Police lineup?
44) Is he allowed to covet his neighbor's virgins?
45) Do the virgins have agents and/or contracts?
46) If so, can a virgin request to be traded or put on waivers if she's unhappy?
47) What should he say if one of the virgins asks "Does this Burka make me look fat?"
4 If he gives the wrong answer, is he uh, screwed?
49) How is anyone expected to handle a catfight amongst 72 women?
50) Did the 9/11 hijackers who didn't know they were going to die get 72 virgins too?
51) Are scouts employed to find virgin talent?
52) Do the virgins ever retire, or do they remain virgins forever?
53) If they retire, what kind of pension plan do they get?
54) Wouldn't it be interesting if they're virgins because they're ugly?
55) So is it 72 Muslim girls or like 1 virgin from every culture?
56) Wouldn't it be sweet if Lorena Bobbit got hired as one of the virgins?
57) What does Gloria Steinem have to say about all this?
5 When he gets home, does he have to say "How was your day?" to all 72 virgins?
59) Do they have counseling for sexual addiction in paradise?
60) If the virgins start hogging the remote, is he in hell?
61) They must take up an entire theater when they go to the movies, huh?
62) Are there restaurants in paradise that can accommodate a reservation for 73?
63) If a virgin suffers from multiple personalities, is she considered two virgins?
64) Does he get all the virgins at once, or do they have an installment plan?
65) Is the bomber entitled to subsitutes, exchanges, or refunds?
66) What if all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the bomber together again?
67) Is "not tonight, dear, I have a headache" a valid excuse in paradise?
6 Do the virgins come with a warranty?
69) If so, does paradise replace defective parts and provide on-site service?
70) What do you call a lifetime warranty if you're dead?
71) Do siamese twin bombers get 144 virgins?
72) Who gets to clean up all those nasty sheets?
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Do you think the war on terror is causing a shortage on virgins?
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Posted:Oct 24, 2008 5:03 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:58 pm
6774 Views
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Muslim fundamentalists believe that a "martyr" (shaheed) who dies while fighting in the holy war against the infidels (jihad) goes to paradise where he is given 72 beautiful virgins for wives plus a number of never aging boys for slaves (apparently, pedophilia is allowed in paradise as well as slavery and polygamy). This is the eternal bliss that the suicidal Islamic terrorists crave. In an interesting twist, if a woman dies as a martyr, she is rewarded with only one husband since women are supposed to stay monogamous even in heaven -- according to the same Islamic doctrine.
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11 RULES OF LIFE SHOULD BE THOUGHT IN SCHOOL
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Posted:Aug 19, 2008 5:42 pm
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2008 4:59 pm
7572 Views
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11 RULES OF LIFE SHOULD BE THOUGHT IN SCHOOL
Politically correct teachings in schools today create a generation of with no concept of reality and how this concept sets them up for failure in the real world.
Rule one: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule two: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule three: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule four: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule five: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule six: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule seven: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule eight: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule nine: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule ten: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule eleven: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
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The End is Near.
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Posted:Jul 7, 2008 3:26 pm
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2008 4:58 pm
6850 Views
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Here is some food for thought.
I been reading a lot from NASA and the fields around it and watching a lot of those videos about the stuff were doing.
Now you know we went to Mars with landers and so far found nothing. We also have landers headed for Europa a frozen water world in orbit around Jupiter. Scientist believe there may be life under the frozen planetary shell just like there is life in the deepest parts of our oceans even were there is no light and its very cold. It is possible.
Ok the point is I have no problems looking in our own solar system for life its bound to be small and more or less no threat to us unless its a killer virus they bring back to study and it gets loose and kills us all hehe.
A cheery thought in itself. (ever see Andromeda strain)
But we are also beaming radio waves into space as well as listening. These radio waves go far beyond our system and some from the 1930s are now reaching the deepest parts of our Galaxy. Basically Hitler is our representative to space LOL. The Aliens should love him hehe.
We are also starting to beam laser beam messages DEEP into space, These are capable of going farther and faster than radio and will reach the edge of our galaxy and beyond and likely to be seen by Alien life forms if indeed there are any.
My problem is this, WHO said those aliens if they exist are going to be friendly? They are likely to be far more advanced than us. That doesn't however mean there going to be friendly. Look at our own history if you will, What has happened thru out our history when a more advanced civilization has met what they considered to be primitive to their our civilization and culture?
I can tell you what happened if you drew a blank hehe, The more advanced civ crushed and absorbed the weaker less advanced race. And took there stuff and there lands and killed them for getting in the way.
Who's to say the aliens won't look at us and say were a bunch of primitive parasites and decide to crush us?
So I ask you is it really a good idea to BROADCAST where we are and how to find us to the rest of the Universe? Isn't that kind of like asking to get spanked? Like what happened in the movie Independence Day? And somehow I don't think if something like that happened it would have the same happy ending as a Hollywood movie hehe.
Just something for you to think about while your outside your own little world.
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Scientists: Watermelon yields Viagra-like effects
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Posted:Jul 7, 2008 2:53 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:58 pm
6601 Views
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LUBBOCK, Texas - A slice of cool, fresh watermelon is a juicy way to top off a Fourth of July cookout and one that researchers say has effects similar to Viagra – but don't necessarily expect it to keep the fireworks going all night long.
Hmm would that be a watermelon Penis? HEHE 
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Wisdom
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Posted:Apr 5, 2008 12:02 pm
Last Updated:Aug 19, 2008 5:32 pm
6812 Views
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When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you are smiling and everyone around you is crying.
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Lesson #2
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Posted:Mar 21, 2008 8:31 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:58 pm
6394 Views
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Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
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Lessons in Life
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Posted:Mar 18, 2008 4:36 pm
Last Updated:Jul 7, 2008 2:45 pm
6771 Views
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LESSON #1
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand..
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
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Love is a sensation
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Posted:Mar 17, 2008 8:50 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:58 pm
6474 Views
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love is a sensation caused by temptation to feel penetration. a guy sticks his location inside a girl’s destination to increase more population for the next generation. did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?
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Rise from the ashes
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Posted:Mar 17, 2008 8:31 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:58 pm
6480 Views
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Yes my blog has been dead for over a year. Strawberry Blond has dominated my time and my job takes what little is left over. But like a Phoenix the blog will rise from the ashes with some new tidbits. I'll make it clear I'm not back but I will try to add a few new posts every month. Hope all is well with everyone. 
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MIA
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Posted:Oct 24, 2006 2:30 pm
Last Updated:Jul 7, 2008 2:55 pm
7265 Views
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I know I have been gone a while hehe, I'll be back and all is well, Just been busy lately and haven't had time to come up with new jokes LOL
Twister
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Southern Primer
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Posted:Sep 1, 2006 9:04 am
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2008 8:53 pm
7146 Views
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For those of you who can't understand the language of the south heres a small primer for you 
Southern Medical Terms
Benign......................... What you be, after you be eight.
Artery......................... The study of paintings.
Bacteria....................... Back door to cafeteria.
Barium......................... What doctors do when patients die.
Caesarean Section............... A neighbourhood in Rome.
Catscan........................ Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize...................... Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................... A sheep dog.
Coma........................... A punctuation mark.
D&C............................ Where Washington is.
Dilate......................... To live long.
Enema.......................... Not a friend.
Fester......................... Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................... A small lie.
G.I. Series.................... World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail....................... What you hang your coat on.
Impotent....................... Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..................... Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.................. A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................... A higher offer.
Nitrates....................... Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................... I knew it.
Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................... A fatherhood test.
Pelvis......................... Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative................. A letter carrier.
Recovery Room.................. Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......................... Pretty near killed him.
Secretion...................... Hiding something.
Seizure........................ Roman emperor.
Tablet......................... A small table.
Terminal Illness............... Getting sick at the airport.
Tumour.......................... One plus one more.
Urine.......................... Opposite of you're out.
Varicose....................... Near by/close by
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To link to this blog (rm_Twister2bed) use [blog rm_Twister2bed] in your messages.
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